There’s no legacy without mutual respect. Every possible path forward will only succeed if there is true, honest respect among all the constituents: management, owners, and family members. Respect is near and dear to my heart. It helped heal wounds of communication in my family and it powers my work and relationships. In my book on leadership, The Power of Respect in Business, I discuss many examples of how respect powers good leadership. On “The Power of Respect” podcast, I interview leaders of family-owned, family-run businesses and I close each episode with the statement “Respect builds trust, trust builds relationships, and relationships are the key to Leadership.”
Professor Torsten Pieper, a globally recognized expert in family business, believes staying together as a family is paramount to facing the ups and downs of business. In our discussions he pointed out the need to keep coming back to the focus of moving forward together despite the challenges:
“You have to be able to feel as a group, and that means as an ownership group, as a family group, that…we can recover from failure, that we can get through this if we all stick together. And if we don’t stick together, then we realize we’re not going to make it. That’s why this notion of togetherness and cohesion is so important, especially in families, because we are much, much stronger if we are in a group than if we go our separate ways. That requires respect, because it might be that we have some people in the group who are just not compatible with one another from the outset, even though they’re still members of the family and we somehow need to make it work. I have to overcome my ego, give others the benefit of the doubt, and do certain things that need to happen for the benefit of everybody else.”
~ Torstein Pieper, Associate Professor, University of North Carolina, Charlotte
I’ve found respect is the most effective way to accomplish decision-making and achieve harmony, at least to the extent that you can. “Respect” means just what it says, that we take the time to actually hear and try to understand what people are saying and where they’re coming from. It involves listening longer to people whether we agree with them or not. Respect does not mean unanimous agreement. As the 18th Century French author and philosopher, Voltaire, was purported to have said, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
If we strive to listen longer, we often find that where they were actually going with the discussion may be different than what we assumed while we were too eager to talk over them.
“Ninety-ten-ninety rule: 90% of the time you should be listening. And the 10% of the time you’re talking, and 90% of that should be questions.”
~ Tom Goldblatt, Managing Partner, Ravinia Capital
Another concept linked to “listen longer” is, “If you’re right now, you’ll still be right later.” So you can afford to listen without interrupting to make your point. This demonstrates respect for the people you are speaking with, and they will recognize that they are being heard.
Respect does not require consensus. For example, I have a client whose family business is run by four family members, three brothers and an uncle (they were also the shareholders). One of the three brothers is the appointed CEO. As I was taking time to understand their business and their vision, I noticed that there was an unwritten theme. In the interest of family harmony, all decisions required consensus among the four family members.
I pointed out to them that all four of them knew the business very well, were very intelligent, had strong courage of conviction, and had great perspectives to consider when making decisions. I also pointed out that a group with those dynamics makes it almost impossible to reach consensus. However, decisions had to be made to move the business forward, and leadership had the responsibility to choose from the alternatives for the decision to be followed.
The family does not have to agree; it’s not a matter of consensus. While you want to gather everybody’s ideas, have them understand the context, and let them have their say, at some point the information needs to inform a decision. It’s a combination of hearing everything and then being able to turn that into action. Bill McLean is someone who I’ve had the pleasure of collaborating with on processes related to generational engagement. He’s a partner in a Canadian consulting firm, Richter, focused on the intersection of business and family, much like my firm, Experts In How. As a guest on my podcast, describing how respect informs decision making, he put it this way:
“Voice does not have to equal vote, but voice is respected. Voice creates an environment for ideation and sharing thoughts, and all those things that can inform the vote without dragging things on to the point where it grinds down to a halt. You cannot achieve a decision when you’re trying for absolute consensus across the board.” ~ Bill McLean, Partner, Richter
Finally, if you truly respect each other’s opinions and points of view, it makes it easier to set it all aside (business) and continue to care for each other (family). Or, as Jamie Shyer pointed out, everything starts when you come to work and ends when you go home at night.
“We quickly learned how to separate business from family. My dad taught me that we could argue about business during the day, but at the end of the day, you sit down, you have dinner together, and you enjoy your time together. We see a lot of family businesses not make it because they don’t know how to do that.”
~Jamie Shyer, Co-CEO/COO, Zyloware Eyewear
The result of this approach to communication and respect has been to celebrate their 100-year anniversary in 2023. As you read my book The Power of Legacy, and as you plan on ways to build and sustain your legacy, always keep this idea of respect in the front of your mind. Others will respect you and you will respect yourself a lot more if you do.
About the Author:
For more than 40 years, Charlie Leichtweis has been helping family businesses establish best-in-class governance as an executive, advisor, and board member. He is the author of two books, The Power of Respect, and The Power of Legacy. Also, he hosts the “Power of Respect in Business” podcast, which explores the dynamics and challenges of running a family business.
If your family is struggling with how to remain in control through generational changes, contact charlie@expertsinhow.com to set up a free consultation.